Mann's Generation, Lieutenant ComMANNder
by A. Mann
Summary: Season 4. Picard, Mann and Pinky have to deal with a race of aliens that hate fish. There are more parts of Data's personality exposed, and certainly more parts of Mann exposed. Mann somehow gets promoted as well.


Mann's Generation

**Season 4, Lieutenant Commannder**

* * *

First Officer's Lorg, Supplemental, the Captain, Pinky, and Lieutenant Mann have taken shuttle craft Piscine to the diplomatic conference on Thesisnine five. The Captain is nearly ready to demote Mann for the recent act of sabotage, while it's of benefit that Spot be trapped, the rest of the crew still need to use the doors.

* * *

A chunky shuttle flies through space at impulse.

On board, Mann is at the console on his right, Picard is holding Pinky's tank and sitting on the couch at the back on Mann's left.

Picard: Complete waste of my time!

Pinky: Yeah, how dare they demand we close the aquarium on the planet…

Mann: They said they could re-locate it to another fish-dedicated planet near here. Can't blame the aliens for being allergic to fish.

Picard: We'll see about that Mister Man.

Mann: Mann actually.

Beeping.

Mann checks his console.

Mann: Vessel approaching, bearing 310 Bill 215. It's the standard light brown class of ship we see whenever we meet a minor race.

Picard: Bill?

Mann: Why do I have to say Mark all the time? I thought Bill would make it interesting.

Picard: Tactical analysis.

Mann: Phasers, photons, standard shields, top speed warp five, crew compliment four hundred, enhanced deflector array.

Picard: And our ship?

Mann: Low powered shields, weak hull, three crewmembers, one Mann, one Frenchman, one member whom is a fish who can't really pilot the ship, four phaser arrays, top speed of warp three.

Picard: I wouldn't wanna be in that ship.

Mann: We are.

Picard squeals.

Picard: Time for action, I'll drive.

Mann: No you won't…

Mann pushes a button.

Mann: Alien ship, this is Lieutenant Mann of the starship Enterprise, please respond.

Alien voice: Your Captain, send him to us, he has committed the ultimate crime…

Mann: Captain?

Picard: I have no idea what he's talking about.

Alien voice: No? Well, knowing of our intolerance for fish, someone has hurled a giant dead whale into our ship, and we know it was you…

Picard: There should be no problem, it was already dead and it isn't a fish so there is no problem here. Picard out.

Mann pushes a button.

Mann: Permission to speak freely.

Picard: Denied.

Pinky: Permission granted.

Mann: You're an idiot Captain, how could you be so irresponsible?

Picard: Pinky told me to use my sense of humour more often so I did.

Boom and rattle.

Mann: We're under attack!

Picard: Evasive manoeuvres!

Mann: Mannoeuvres actually…

The shuttle weaves as the other ship fires green energy beams at it.

Picard: Can we divert power to the phasers?

Mann: Don't see why not…

A rattle and some flashing lights, and then some steam appear.

Mann: That hit the power cells, I can divert power from the life support system to charge the phasers, but you'll have to sit by me or you'll be in darkness.

Picard: Make it so…

He stumbles over the seat by Mann carrying Pinky in his tank, the lights go down, and Mann pushes buttons.

* * *

The Enterprise, the ready room, Riker is in Picard's chair, Troi runs in.

Troi: I HAVE TO FIND YOU! TO TELL YOU!

Riker: Not this again…

Troi: PLEASE, I MUST FIND YOU!

Riker stands up.

Riker: I'm here, now what is it?

Troi: I sense… erm… sensed, something… never mind, it could have been Pinky…or someone slippery…

Riker: PINKY?

Riker storms on to the bridge where the usual people are in their usual places.

Riker: Worf! Hail the shuttle, Data, locate it, maximum sensitivity.

Worf: No response…

Data: Scans show nothing on the shuttles planned flight path…there there sir.

Riker: PINKY COULD BE IN TROUBLE, RED ALERT! Ensign Mm, lay in a course for the last known location of the shuttle, engage at warp seven.

Mm: Mm.

The ship warps off.

* * *

Far away, the shuttle is weaving between energy shots, then it flies over the brown ship and fires phasers at many places from forward and aft arrays…

Mann: NEVER MESS WITH THE MANN!

Sparks fly from behind Picard.

Picard: Ready warp engines, and divert all power to forward port phaser.

Mann: aye…

Mann pushes buttons.

Picard: Bring us about!

The shuttle turns to face the other ship.

Picard: On my bill, engage warp for half a second, then fire a maximum powered beam at their warp core for as long as possible.

Mann: Ready…

Picard: NOW!

The shuttle warps, and then stops, appearing in two places at once…above and in front of the brown ship.

Mann lowers the shuttle and fires a phaser on the top of the other ship for five seconds…

A small explosion occurs at that point, and the phaser terminates, the lights on the other ship flicker.

Mann: Did it, their power systems are fluctuating…

Picard: Good.

SMASH…

Everything sparks.

Mann: They're torpedoing us! Phasers are offline!

Picard: Warp speed, any heading!

The shuttle warps.

Mann: Warp two point four…

Computer: Warning, enemy vessel in pursuit.

Picard: How? We phasererd them!

Mann: It's a shuttle, not a warship! Its phasers aren't meant for the Picard manoeuvre!

Pinky: STOP IT! HELP, I'M SCARED!

Picard and Mann calm and start to huddle around the tank.

Mann: it's ok Pinky…

Picard: They won't get past me and my Mann.

Mann: You just need some more air.

Picard: He's a fish Lieutenant! You can't give more air or he will suffocate!

Mann: He's got gills!

Pinky: PLEASE STOP SHOUTING, I'VE ONLY GOT SMALL EARS!

Picard LOUD: P-L-E-E-E-E-E-E-A-A-A-ASE! FOR-GIVE ME-E-E-E-E-E !

Mann: Are you deaf? I am…. He said stop shouting…

Picard whispers: ple-e-e-ase… for-give meeeee…

Computer: Warning, enemy torpedo closing.

Mann gets to the helm…

Mann: We can't take another hit…

Pinky wails…

Mann: There's an M-class planet bearing 100 bill 204, it's inhabited, but I can't tell by what…

Picard: Prepare for crash landing!

Mann: Why? We've got transporters, thrusters, and unless we get hit badly again then we'll be fine to land normally and beam in or out…

* * *

On the Enterprise…

Riker: Why is Troi still standing in the ready room?

Distant voice: I must find you, to tell you…

Riker rolls his eyes.

Data: Closing on the location of the shuttle, we can follow its ion trail to lead us to its present location…

* * *

The shuttle is flying through the planets atmosphere shaking.

Picard is holding on to a roof handle.

Picard wailing: I hate you Mann, I hate you!

Mann: Rerouting power to inertial dampeners… this would be so much easier if I wasn't wobbling around.

Pinky: Oooh, Jacuzzi.

Mann: Bloody shuttle! Stop shaking or I'm liable to pressing the wrong keyuds!"|"`4

Thwack…

Fires appear in the aft section…

Mann: We've got no engines! We've got power though! Put a lid on Pinky's tank and hold on! Re-routing power to comm system…Channel open!

Picard: Enterprise! This is Picard, that idiot Mann is crashing the shuttle! Save me!

A whirring alarm sounds.

Mann: Warp core breach! We need to beam out of here!

Pinky: This planet sure has a lot of atmosphere, we've been crashing for half an hour…

Mann pushes some buttons and they all beam out as the shuttle explodes.

* * *

On the planet in some woods, Picard beams in standing, holding Pinky's tank.

Mann appears and falls over backwards.

Picard: First rule of transporting, never do it sitting down. You're lucky we're not on a cliff edge… Pinky, where's Mann?

Pinky: Down the side of the cliff we're on…

Picard looks down…

Picard: Oh dear… MANN! GET BACK UP HERE! DO IT FOR PINKY!

A few minutes later Mann has climbed back up. His uniform is torn in several places and he's a bit dusty.

Mann: That hurt… Oh well, maybe we should find the people on this planet…

Pinky: No need…

Some aliens with grey skin and tall blue hair wearing dusty blue bubbly jumpsuits emerge from behind some trees.

Alien: Welcome to our home world Captain Picard.

Picard: Oh dear… It's…awkward to say the least…

Alien: Now, would you like to apologise for throwing a whale into my ship?

Mann: I'll do it, if you can provide some medical help and talk to Pinky…

Alien: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! A fish!

Pinky: Kind of you to notice…

Alien: It speaks? Interesting…

Picard: I think we're going to get along famously…NOT!

Picard throws Pinky's tank to Mann and runs off into the woods wailing.

Mann: He'll be back, demanding Pinky's forgiveness….

* * *

The Enterprise is flying at impulse…

On the bridge…

Riker taps his badge.

Riker: Riker to Troi…

Comm: I have to find you! I must tell you!

Riker: Why do I bother?

Mm: Mm…

Data: Reading signs ahead of a battle, energy particles, hull fragments, several gasses, it appears as if, a ship was engaged, in close combat, and judging from, the layout of the debris, and warp particles, I would say there is, evidence that, the Picard manoeuvre, was performed. The ion trail continues away from here…

Riker: The Picard manoeuvre… Think he did it himself?

Data: No… It was Mann's duty, to pilot, and, the, Captain, was going to, spend, the trip, bonding with Pinky.

Geordi: Then to be on the safe side we should call it the Picard Mannoeuvre. We don't Mann coming back and telling us we said, spelt, or whatevered it wrong.

Worf: We should plot the shuttles course and check with the people at the conference planet to see if they know who fired on the shuttle…

Data: Also reading some whale blubber…

Riker: If this is another crack at my weight…

Data: While the ships structure is in fact cracking under your weight, that is not what I was referring to Commander.

Distant voice: I must find you! To tell you!

Riker: For the love of Pinky…

* * *

On the alien planet in the woods, Picard is sitting.

Mann suddenly runs over.

Picard: Mann!

Mann: They took Pinky! They tried to shoot me. They now believe Pinky is the higher form of life and won't have anything more to do with us…

Picard: You left Pinky?

Mann: Nothing else I could do…

Picard: It's getting dark now, a fire would get their attention…

Mann: Maybe we start seven or eight, that would help…

Picard: No… Give me your commbadge…

Mann gives Picard his badge.

Picard opens it and then pulls out some components, he then removes his own badge and inserts the components. He then taps his badge four times.

Picard: I've boosted the signal from this badge, it's sending an SOS on a coded Starfleet frequency.

Mann's tricorder beeps.

Mann opens it.

Mann: I'm reading a faint distress signal…

Picard: You had that all this time? Give it here!

He plugs his badge into the tricorder and pushes the red square button.

Mann: Drinks?

Picard: No, boosted signal and stronger power source.

Mann: I wish I could have saved Pinky…

Picard: You wouldn't happen to have a phaser with you?

Mann: There was a type one phaser in my boot but stepping on a rock set it to maximum and it vapourised itself.

Picard: Damn…

Mann: Damnn…

* * *

There are blue and grey dark clouds in darkness… Troi is flying….

A man or Mann in the distance is calling.

Troi: I have to find you! I must find you! To tell you!

Mann's voice: No, other way around idiot.

Troi: Mann?

Mann: We're alone on a planet, Pinky is missing… Help us!

Troi: Why do I have a telepathic link to you?

Mann: No idea, but you'd better get rid before Riker finds out!

Riker's voice: Too late! I can read the mind of my Imzadi, and I know you're in it!

* * *

On the Enterprise bridge the next morning, Troi walks in and sits by Riker.

Troi: I had the most strange dream…

Riker: Was Mann in it?

Troi: Yes.

Riker: And me?

Troi: Yes.

Riker: And?

Troi: Pinky is in trouble.

Riker: Fine, I can put killing Mann on hold, Pinky is more important.

Worf: According to several delegates from the conference planet, the Captain offended some weird grey people, and they wanted revenge, their home world is in this sector, and also, they hate fish.

Riker: PINKY! Data, increase speed, let's get to the end of this ion trail and find the shuttle!

Data: Aye sir, but why me?

Riker: Because I can never tell whether Ensign Mm is complying or not… All he ever says is Mm.

Mm: Mm.

Riker: See?

Geordi: NO, not really…

* * *

On the planet it is dawn, but very dull and grey.

Picard wakes

Picard: GET OFF ME!

Mann wakes

Picard: Get my shoe out of your mouth!

Mann: Did you kick me in your sleep? I'm covered in bruises and seem to be missing several teeth…

Picard: On another matter, this weather looks awful, it might rain soon… If only I had that special kind of fruit that likes rain and makes wine.

Mann: Welcome to Wales, I'm going to sleep until some sun appears.

Picard: I can only imagine the ordeal Pinky is going through…

* * *

Picard imagines:

Pinky in a tank is on a table in the middle of a stone room. Aliens surround with long spears.

Pinky: So, erm… Do you have any fish food?

Aliens all aim their spears.

Pinky: I see… I certainly won't forgive Picard for this… Never… EVER!

* * *

Picard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mann: Shut up or those aliens will come and find us!

Picard: OH PINKY! WHERE ART THOU! I NEEDETH FORGIVENETHSS!

Mann: You won't get it from me.

* * *

In Engineering, on the Enterprise, Geordi is sitting at his usual post. Data walks in and stands by him, but is in the main part, not the shaded office part.

Data: Geordi?

Geordi: Oh, hey Data.

Data: Are you pre-occupied?

Geordi: I'm… I just can't stop thinking about Pinky…

Data: I often process Spot and her, his whereabouts.

Geordi: Yeah, but you know you'll always see Spot again.

Data: I am often concerned that I cannot express or experience concern. I am afraid it is beyond my capabilities and that is frustrating.

Geordi: Enough of you and your inefficiencies, I'm so full of regret, I never played that game of table tennis with Pinky, I told him I was busy, but damn it Data! I could have made the time!

Data: Since Mann has gone, your accuracy of looking at who you are speaking to has increased.

Geordi: He's got a pocket watch or something that interferes with my visor. I miss him too, he makes me feel safer because I can't see the angry Riker dangling above me from the ceiling when Mann's around.

Data looks up.

Riker: Hey Data.

Data: Sir.

Riker: Where's that cat of yours?

Data: I…

Data looks alarmed, even though he shouldn't know how to…

Data: I have not seen him or her for several days… Computer, locate Spot.

Computer: Spot is not onboard.

Riker: Where is the little bitch?

Computer: Please rephrase the question, do you wish to track an evil murderous scum of the earth feline or a cute and wonderful canine?

Riker: What did that computer say?

Geordi: Use your imaginnationn, Mann did some reprogramming. Now, please, get off my ceiling before it collapses. Or do you think it's easy for a blind guy to repair a ceiling?

Riker: Nonsense, you can get one of those people without a name to fix it, like that idiot reparing the lift out there…

Distant voice: I have a name, if you'd bother to ask.

Riker: STAY AWAY FROM TROI WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS!

Distant voice: How will you know whether I have or not if you don't know who I am?

Riker: Uh oh… I see your point Geordi…

Geordi: You didn't have to tell it so everyone could here, I know I have a disfigurement but…

Data: My non-existent intuition tells me that the Commander meant he understood the difficulties of blindness. However you believe he is commenting on your nose or your finger pointing at something you don't realise you're pointing at.

Geordi: I can't see! Just let me be. Let me live with dignity.

Distant voice: Alright but first take that hideous hairband off your face and I'll reconsider.

Geordi starts sobbing.

Riker: THAT'S IT!

Riker runs like a quadraped across the ceiling and out of the room.

THWACK!

Geordi: Was that Riker or did I hit something?

Data: My non-existent skills as a counselor tell me that you are able to see without Mann, but since you depend on his presence, you are psycologically imagining that he's still interfering with your visor.

Geordi: He is. He's rigged half the tools in here to fire out all sorts of weird interference. I can't go near the warp core without everything looking blue.

* * *

On the planet it's very dull weather, and Mann and Picard are huddled under a tree.

Mann: I need to tell you something.

Picard: Go on…

Picard uses his right arm to try and grab a fallen tree branch or stone from behind him…

Mann: Well I…

Picard: You're going to say you love me, aren't you? Well, I'm prepared…

Mann squeals, Picard tries to hit him with a rock…

They both stand…

Mann backs away…

Picard looks evil and advances…

Mann: I wasn't gonna say that! I was gonna say I thought it was a malfunction, but I detected four lifeforms on our shuttle before we beamed out, I set the thing to beam all life, so if it was real, it's down here with us!

Picard stops…

Picard: Oh…Grrr…

He advances again…

Mann: Wait! Listen…

Echo: MYOW, OW, OW, ow, ow, ow, ow…

Picard: Spot, You've brought Spot! I'll kill you!

Spot: Mrow!

Mann turns and sees Spot standing behind him.

Picard lunges and takes Mann to the ground, they struggle, but then an alien ship flies overhead.

Picard: If they saw us it's your fault!

They stand up and brush off dust.

Mann: It's not, it's Spot's!

Picard: You're right!

Behind a tree, the tricorder bleeps, Picard goes to see it.

Mann: Spot, be good, come with me and we'll hide from the aliens…

Spot: Myow!

Mann: Shhhhhhh….. Why can't you just act like Geordi?

* * *

Mann imagines… Engineering, Mann is standing by the large MSD holding a tricorder pushing a button, Geordi is standing on the table facing the warp core…

Geordi: I need to get to my workstation and I can't see…

Distant voice: What else is new?

Mann: Shut up you nameless idiot! You're lucky I'm not Riker!

Geordi: Mann?

Mann: Forward three paces...

Geordi walks and falls off the table.

Mann: Oops, get up and turn around.

Geordi does so.

Mann: Forward twenty paces...

Geordi: There's a rail or something in my way...

Mann: Climb over it, Data put it there for some reason.

Geordi does so.

Geordi: AAAAAAA!

Mann: GEORDI! You're not meant to walk into the warp core!

Geordi: I didn't see it.

Mann: Turn back, climb down the rail and head right forty degrees... walk forward.

Geordi does so.

DOUNG...

Geordi: I found my workstation, on the other side of the glass and wall I just walked into. Thanks Mann, I can take it from here...

Geordi feels the wall and edges around only to trip over a chair.

Mann: It was Data, again.

Riker walks in and stands by Mann.

Mann: Geordi needs directions.

Riker: Stand up, nearly there...

Geordi gets up and extends his arms and hands to try to feel a wall or chair.

Riker: Forward eight paces...

Geordi walks...

Picard storms in

Picard: This is barbaric! Mister LaForge, come here!

Geordi walks into a few walls then trips on to the table, where his hands land on the 3D triangle.

Computer: Palm prints verified. Sixty second auto destruct initiated.

Picard: YOU IDIOT!

* * *

Mann stops imagining...

Spot: MEOW!

Mann: Spot, shut up, don't make me force your mouth shut!

Spot: M, Y, OW!

Mann: That's it!

Mann dives at Spot, she dives also…

There's a rolling cloud of dust for several minutes…

Picard returns holding the tricorder…

He then looks stunned.

Picard: MANN! SPOT! STOP THIS AT ONCE!

They stop, and both stare at Picard.

Mann: Sir, please activate function Alpha on my tricorder, I'd be ever so grateful…

Picard pushes the Alpha button, an ultrasonic pulse fires, Spot is dazed.

Mann prizes the claws out of his face and uniform, pushes Spot away, then stands, and his uniform now so tattered and hacked falls off.

Picard: My gosh, that's huge…ly embarrassing for you isn't it…?

Mann: I need some clothes, leaves, or FUR, would do.

Picard: Shall I skin Spot?

Mann: Sir, please stop staring, it's just a birthmark.

Picard: To me it looks like the side view of… my head… but if I turn my head… It looks like Spot… How unusual…

Aliens run in through the trees and aim standard alien weapons at Mann and Picard.

Alien: What is that?

Mann: It's called an arse. You have something similar on your head.

Alien: What is that red thing?

Mann: Another?

Picard moves and looks, Spot wakes up, and is also confused.

Picard: Mann, you have two birthmarks, the front looks like me, and Spot, yet this one looks like Riker's head, and if I turn my head, it looks… Like Riker's gonna kill you… It's Troi, no doubt…

Mann: Couldn't they be tattoos that someone did as a prank?

Picard: Who would do such a thing without you knowing? Those look pretty accurate and skillfully done…

An energy noise sounds and there's a blue flash behind some trees.

Riker, Worf, Troi, and Data run in holding phasers.

Troi stares openmouthed…

Riker: Four birthmarks, that one looks…

He puts one hand over Troi's eyes as he aims at Mann with his phaser and looks angry.

Picard: Will, can't this wait? I wanna take a holo-image and post it on the net…

Riker: Alright Captain… Now then, alien scum head, release Pinky!

Alien: Of course, he sent us to find you… After talking with him, we realised we were wrong, Fish are great, and so are you… Come with us and you can see Pinky for yourselves.

Riker: No tricks, I have a startling birthmark myself and I will show you if you trick us.

Alien: No tricks, we will lower our weapons, and you can follow us.

* * *

Captain's Log, After reuniting with Pinky, he forgave me, and we all returned to the Enterprise. It seemed that Pinky convinced the aliens to build an aquarium. And when we found him he was in a stone room as I thought, but had more fish food than he could have wished for.

We are now back aboard the Enterprise, however Starfleet Admiral, Nachayev is coming aboard to yell at me about insulting the aliens and about ship life in general.

* * *

Mann is in the Ready Room standing in front of the replicator.

Picard is sitting at the desk.

Pinky is in the tank.

Mann: Clothes.

Computer: Unable to comply, this is a food replicator.

Mann: If that's so how come you make tea?

Computer: Please rephrase the question.

Admiral Nachayev bursts in and stands in front of the desk.

Picard: Admiral.

Nacho: Captain, those aliens are…

Pinky: Very pleased. I patched up all the holes in their ship, and all metaphorical holes.

Nacho: I am aware of that your loveliness. However, the Captain is in trouble in the first place, for making those holes.

Pinky: I forgave him, can't you?

Nacho: If you so wish it, your fishiness.

Pinky: I wish it.

Nacho: Very well, Captain, be careful.

She turns, stops and stares at Mann who turns to face her.

Mann: Sir.

Nacho: Captain, I must say I like your new uniform policy.

Picard: You can stop looking at him now, it's not policy, a cat and a shuttle fire did it.

Nacho: Very well, nice birthmark.

Nacho slowly walks out of the room but still staring at Mann as she goes.

Pinky: Mann, I must confess, I used a phaser pen to give you some temporary birthmarks… I was practicing illusion, for my art classes.

Picard looks at Pinky

Picard: You mean you will go with me to art class?

Pinky: Of course!

Picard bursts into tears

Picard: Thank you! THANK YOU!

Mann: Erm…

Pinky: Well, I'm sorry Mann, I thought it might make your days interesting… I'm still going to have to tell Riker to leave you alone… And I need a word with Jonny, so return to the helm Mann.

Mann: I hope it's not cold.

* * *

Mann walks to his chair on the bridge, Riker advances.

Geordi: Is my visor kidding me?

Data: I do not understand everyone's' attitude, as I have no emotions.

Mann: Liar.

Comm: Pinky to Riker, report to deck forty two, someone has a poster of Troi.

Riker: I'll be back Mann.

Riker runs into the battle bridge lift.

* * *

Later in Engineering, Geordi is sitting in his chair, with Data on his right, and Mann working behind him.

Data: Geordi, why has Mann not been provided with clothes?

Geordi: Well, Riker has blocked Mann's replicator access because of his Troi mark. He wants payback and Pinky won't let him use violence. Plus Mann hasn't had the chance to get to a replicator yet.

Mann: I actually find this quite liberating.

Geordi: Plus in this day and age no one has a problem with his nudity.

Picard: Thanks for that Geordi!

Picard runs from behind the warp core wearing nothing and runs out into the Jefferies tube at the main entrance to Engineering.

Geordi: Eew.

Distant woman screams

Picard's voice: Oh shut up, it's nothing you've not seen before on Risa.

Pinky's tank with Pinky inside on wheels drives up to between Data and Geordi.

Geordi: Hey Pinky.

Pinky: Hiya Geordi, Hi Data, Hello Will, Hi Mann.

Riker on the ceiling: Hey Pinky.

Data: Greetings Pinky.

Pinky: Mann.

Mann turns to looks at Pinky.

Mann: How ya doin' Pinky?

Pinky: Fabulous. Report to Ten Forward, Guinan has a little drink for you that you simply must try… Go now.

Mann walks out through the back way.

* * *

In the middle of Ten Forward, at the middle table, Mann sits and takes a drink and a little purple box from the table.

Guinan and Picard walk over.

Mann opens the box.

Mann: A new rank pip? Or is this a replacement for the three I lost and a demotion?

Picard: It's a promotion to Lieutenant Commander, at the request of Admiral Nacho and his brilliance, Pinky. He assures me the images he implanted will clear up in a month.

Mann: Riker won't be happy that whenever I look at my arse for the next month, I'll be looking at Troi… and then him.

A gush of wind hits Mann on the face then goes out of the door.

Mann: Riker's bulk is pretty useful for getting him to warp speed.

Picard: He used the Picard manoeuvre on your face?

Mann: That's what the bruise says.

Mann: What's in this drink Guinan?

Guinan: I don't know, Riker arranged it.

Mann: It's burning through the glass! Anyway, Captain can you make it official?

Picard: I hereby promote you to the rank of Lieutenant Commander, with all the rights and privileges there too.

Mann: Thanks.

* * *

A session with Counselor Troi.

Troi is on her chair in her office, Riker is on the couch.

Riker: I'm here 'cause you called me…

Troi: I had to find you, to tell you…

Riker: Not this again…

Spot runs in and stops as if she/he didn't expect the room to be occupied.

Riker: I thought the door sensors didn't recognise the little git.

Troi: Since Mann regularly tricks the doors to close on Spot, the doors need resetting to original mode, which allows detection of Spot as a valid excuse to open. Geordi told me.

Riker stands up.

Riker: Did he?

Spot appears to be weighing up things… and then lunges at Riker's face.

Riker: AAAAAAAAA! GET IT OFF ME!

Troi: But my nails, and my…

Riker: THEN GET SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP!

Troi: I'll get Mann, he will know what to do!

Riker: NO!

Troi taps her badge.

Troi: Troi to Mann, Data, I must find you, to tell you…

Troi runs out of the door into the corridor, Riker falls to the couch being hacked by Spot…

* * *

Mann's Log, Riker recovered from Spot's recent hacking, Troi found me and Data, but forgot why she needed us, and now as a Lieutenant Commander, I can finally order Worf to do things… and promote my pal Mm. I really do owe Pinky one, and luckily my painted on birthmarks have worn off. Oh, and I've finally been able to get a new uniform after Pinky restored my computer access.


End file.
